How important is self-respect in a relationship?
Frankly, I have never given it a thought. Not until now.
There was a time when I just loved you without giving a thought or two about our mindset and compatibility. I just loved you blindly. That was a mistake. I should have seen things with open eyes. Or maybe, I couldn’t have done the same with open eyes too, for you were in the cocoon of a stranger before me. And now, when you are with me, you unwrapped yourself and crawled out of that cocoon of yours to show me what you, as a person, are.
I loved to talk to you all night. About everything that’s happening around you. But I failed to wonder if things happening around me would make you happy in the same way it made me when you spoke.
There was a time. It was beautiful for me. All I wanted, at that point of time, was to spend a lot of time with you and what not. But not once did the thought of self-respect occurred to me. Why would it? I thought I wouldn’t need that term with you around me. It was because I thought you understood me. Maybe you do, or maybe you don’t. But in a relationship where you don’t respect your partner or his/her choices and preferences, it doesn’t quite go with the flow
I just failed to recognise that my choices should have a thing or two connected with your preferences. That too wasn’t a problem. A relationship is all about adapting if you are willing to. I was adapting too, but the moment you treated my choice and words with contempt. Saying, that something like this bores you and is not exciting enough to listen or maybe it’s not worth it, to something that I loved, it was something I would never even dream to do to you.
I think we lost it there.
One thing I want you to understand is, don’t confuse the word self-respect with ego. They have a huge difference. I hope you do understand it. If not, let me explain.
When you don’t talk to me just because you think you are right and don’t owe any sort of explanation, that’s ego. Because you are not ready to listen or even see the other side of the picture. You think what you know is the fact, but you don’t have any concrete ground. Because you think that what you believe is the ultimate truth, without making any attempt to know the actual truth or the other perspective. A relationship is all about communication. You are in a relationship because you are in a different comfort zone with that person around you, a peaceful and a comfortable stronghold. And there, if you are not communicating or allowing your partner to communicate on that topic just because you are not the one who bends, my dear, that’s ego!
Then what is self-respect?
When I expect something from you, but you don’t pay the attention I must receive. No, that’s not it. There is more. I come to you and tell you what I feel, but you then ask me not to wail like a crybaby; there I come to a halt. I come to a halt because that is the point when you have hurt my self-respect. I am ready to reach out to you, but you don’t allow me to, out of some sense of pride that you have. Because you don’t allow me to communicate with you like we have always been doing, especially when you wanted. My dear, if at that point of time, I stop speaking to you, I will be guarding my self-respect against you.
Am I doing anything wrong? I leave it for you to understand.
You might feel that I am making a fuss about a small thing. Maybe, that this is nothing for you. Maybe, you might feel, did that even happen? I never saw it coming. Then, my love, this is grave, because clearly my emotional content is not synchronised with your love. You have failed to understand me. You don’t realise that in love, respect is necessary. Love demands respect.
How can you love me when you don’t respect me? Or maybe, this is the right question, “Do you even love me?”
A series of thoughts might invade your mind. At that point of time, if you think let things be as it is. It shall go back to normal in due time, for I would ultimately miss you. I shall come back to you once my frustration of being without you crosses the threshold level. Then, my dear, you are again doing the same thing.
So where does this leave us? I think it leaves us with the same question.
Do you really love me?
Hey all, this letter is a work of fiction. I will be happy if you can connect with the emotions. If you liked reading my blog do put in your thoughts and feedbacks in the comments section. This will encourage me to improve and write more. Do check out my debut novel that released this April. To buy the book, click here.