Sometimes, I do wonder what more that you wanted was less. You laughed at my jokes and shared your sadness. You looked up to me when there was no one to hold on to. We hang out together in the street food joints. We both were enough for each other and needed no one else amid us. Our time together flew away so fast that we, sometimes, were surprised when we looked at the watch. You held my hand while crossing busy streets. Stick even closer while clicking a selfie. You were comfortable with me in each and every path of life and yet, we are somewhere in life, apart.
Maybe, that’s what I feel and you don’t. And thus, it’s me who feel the burden. You are not wrong, you never are. But sometimes you don’t just see things the way I do. You do feel the warmth of our togetherness, but it’s me who feel the warmest. You like to have my company, but it’s me who love to be your shadow. There are moments when I want to tell you the truth, but then the truth of our relation comes ahead of my eyes. And I, at no cost what to jeopardize it. I love that we have, and I always want to keep things that way.
I love the way you smile and adore the way you mischievously snatch the chips off my hands. I feel closer to you when you share your doubts about life’s complications and enjoy the way you offer me grooming tips. Everything we share is perfect to me but even then I feel hollowness in my heart that I can’t share with you.
Maybe, that’s the difference between you and me. But I don’t complain and will never do so in future. Sometimes, I just feel that I am running out of time. I feel I just don’t have enough of it. At times, I do feel like sharing my hollowness to you. Put before you everything I feel like I have done so in the past, all the time. Maybe you too feel the same way, or maybe you don’t. If you do feel it the way I feel, I would probably be the happiest person at that moment. And would probably go ahead and put before you all I have felt. But! Yes, there would always be a ‘but’. What if you don’t feel the way I do? What if you have a completely different perspective? What if me telling you about my hollowness would separate us forever? How would I exactly cope up with that feeling, because you are the only recluse during my sadness!
This is the sole reason I will be the way I am. Holding your hand the way I have always done before. Doing everything with you the way I have always been doing, until the day when you go into your lover’s arms, and I into the midst of that hollowness as a friend zoned one-sided lover.